Confusing words...

Her Majesty would be at the end of her wits seeing her language been twisted around for more than what the words can convey.

Why is 'cuteeeee' more cute than 'cute'?
Why is 'cho sweeeeet' sweeter than so 'sweet'?
Why does 'loooooovvvvvvveeeee you' means more love than just 'love you'?
Why does 'missss u' means more "misses" than 'miss you'?
Why does 'byeeee' mean more than 'bye'?

What did I miss in my English classes? I thought I was always attentive and never missed anything, except for the grades...

10 reasons why not to shave armpits.

With so much undergrowth it becomes messy and uncomfortable if not unhygenic to say the least.  So it calls for a shave.

Once it done, the torture starts. 

1)  It is not really a place where it is comfortable to shave. It takes practice, is an art and puts one in all kind of funny positions to get the right angle.

2) The after shave hurts and pinches alot. Feels like as if someone has squeezed the guts out. 

3) If that is not all, the deodorant is also not even comforting. Feels as if someone has poured alcohol over a cut.

4) After the natural calamity in pit, when the spring arrives and the growth starts, they kind of itch and many a times it ends up in one scratching that itch in the pit. Gruesome.

This not a FAQ, so fill the rest 6 all by yourself.

Rain and rain coat

For last 4 years, ever since I bought my motorcycle, I have been a lazy fellow; one of the laziest in the world if not the most.

The city where I live, it rains and it rains as if there is no tomorrow. The worst part of the whole rain thing is that it rains whenever it is time to leave for office or time to go back home after a long day.

For past so many years, every year the same story used to repeat. Whenever I was about to leave it was raining or it would start raining; and every time I used to get drenched. Dripping wet!

So this time I thought it is time to shun this laziness and get proactive. Proactive, after getting drenched for like 5 days in a row and no, the precursor was not the act of getting wet 5 days in a row, but the fact that I do not have those many pairs of shoes. After 5 days, all of the 4 pairs that I have were wet and I didn't have anything to wear to office other than the bathroom slippers. I was so much wet, wet to the soul. Even now I am waiting to find that person who said, "Fire cannot burn it, water cannot wet it, weapons cannot pierce it... " Crap find me that man and I will put him in this rain and ask him, "Kyon, bachoo? Ab aatma bheegi ki nahin?"

So the coming weekend I went to nearest store to buy a raincoat. Interestingly, everybody in the city thought that the day was good to visit the store. There were more souls in the store than the number of items on display or ready to be sold. With nobody to assist, it took me 20 minutes to find the right place to look for raincoats.

I bought a decent one and came back home, smiling. No more getting wet. No more stopping on the way under a tree, no more of this rain.

And ever since that day, it hasn't rained! One day it was drizzling and I thought it to be right time to wear the rain coat and leave in the rain. By the time I could get my stuff and get my motorcycle out of the parking it has stopped raining. 

The other day, bright sunny day, no rain for like miles, I went out without my rain coat and it started drizzling. Luckily I was at home before it started pouring.

What use is a raincoat when it doesn't rain!

Now I know. If you have to stop rain in Gorakhpur, Kosi, let me go there with my rain coat. If you want it to pour in Thar desert or Sahara, let me go there without my rain coat. 

I sometimes feel I kind to glue this rain coat to my skin, and I walk in the rain, it will stop raining, just where I am. Like a cylinder of dryness, right in between the falling drops of rain.

I don't know who is the nemesis of Bhagwan Indra, but for some reasons I believe that she/he is with me in the form of my raincoat.

The mom's delight to kid's plight

.
Well we have seen it all in the movies and the advertisements on the TV. I sometimes feel that it is all because of that idiot box. Probably that's the reason why I still do not have that one at home!

It is all over the place; the movies like Because I said so, the matrimony website advert where the dad runs, with the groom's turban in his hand, after every guy he sees , and so many others of the kind.

I graduated from the college with not so high flying colors and finished my PGDIT. My director always referred to it as M.Tech, all the time clapping his hands. Those who were present there will know what I mean to say. Anyways, that was in 2004. It has been 4 years since.

Given the age that most people complete there masters you can do the math, whatever.

So, where was I?

Yeah. Now that I have been in the job for 4 years, I truly qualify as an eligible bachelor. At least everybody else feels so, if not me. My neighbors at home for certain. "He is educated, earns well and is till not married!. There must be something wrong with him!". I guess that is what driving my parents bonkers. Why don't the old women of the neighborhood have any thing better to do than to talk about why somebody is married, why somebody isn't and why somebody's daughter/son eloped with somebody else.

Well I understand the pressure that my parents would be going through. Even though those who talk, seldom look at their own household and those who don't know the reality, that things take their own merry time to happen, even marriage. But public hai....

So, this Saturday, while I was cooking something for my lunch, Rajma masala and rice, I got a call from my mother.

Who is this girl XYZ (name changed).

Well she is so and so.

She mailed me. How did she get my e-mail address and that too the official one.

Mom! how am I supposed to know. Google around and you'd find that your e-mail address is listed in so many place. Anyways what did she write about. But I still do not know why would she e-mail you. We worked together like 3 years ago.

The mail talks about an invitation to ABC.com (website name change). that was in fact a professional networking site.

Oh! You can safely delete that e-mail. And I explained what that was all about.

Ok. But I did visit that website. The girl looks good and is Assistant Manger. To my scientist mother that was a very educated girl in a good profession and in a good company. Well here, in this part of the world, the word manager certainly rings bells and for sure event the fused light bulbs also become very radiant, and what we have here, she is a mega watts of search light.

Mom! Come on.

Well the snap of you and your friend wasn't that sharp and good, and this one looked like her. So I just thought if she is the one, she looks good and lets talk about it!

Mom, she is not the one whose picture you saw. And I don't want to talk about her. And if this how you will talk about all my friends one by one, then I will stop telling you about my friends.

Nah! It is not like what you think. I just thought if you have somebody in mind, lets talk about her!

Ma, if I really did have any, I would have told you and dad about it a long time ago.

As you say. But I did see her profile there.

Ma, that profile will tell you nothing about what you are looking for, that a professional networking site.

But you can find a lot about a person, can't you?

And then the conversation enters that never ending circle, where you have to say, "Oh my God! The rice is on fire, I better go and take care of my lunch!"

But keep your eyes open!

I love you mum. :)

Virgin Airlines...

As I read my Sunday newspaper, the Times Business/Leadership Series, the article on Sir Richard Branson, I couldn't help laughing head over heels.

What was it?

Well the article they wrote about this an Australian stand-up comedian, an excerpt from the article:
" How can you call and airline Virgin. It's terrifying. .... I want to call my airlines Slut!"

Well come to think of it, it is indeed funny.

But strange it is indeed. Lesbian as well hetero! ROTFL.

Lived Good, Died Well!

I wrote my tests for the Spanish classes I have been taking for a while.

What happened??

Well lived good during the class;
Died well in the exam!

I need for shoulders for the rituals!

Hasta luego!

And the Pheonix rises from its ashes, Examen parte 2 en sabado. :)

Salsa your way to fun ...

Been too busy off late.

Juggling time between practice, office, practice and parties. And on last Saturday and Sunday it was the big show, performance, workshops and also the competition.

What practice, what performance.

Well we had our annual India International Salsa Congress.


Will write in detail about it in the next post when I am done with all that fatigue and sudden lull after those awesome parties, wonderful and exciting workshops.

To let you savor the moment:




Well we didn't win any prize, just got the participant cup. We were offbeat off and on during the entire song that was played. We lost, no surprise, but our stage presence was good and appreciated. That is the reason why probably we are just in the photo but not in the text. :)

At this point I thank my partner Vandana for bearing me for the practice sessions and surviving the disappointment. Sorry Vandana we lost, I ,for many a times, couldn't find a fix that bloody 1.

We will try next year!

We had plenty of international instructors:

• Eddie, the Salsa Freak
• Knzo
• Rozana Maya
• Maria Del Sol
  
• Ricardo and Vivianna
• Junior and Emily
• The fabulous Swing Guys
• Dave Paris and Zoe Klein
• Akhila Venkatesh
• Alex Diaz
• Ara Hwang
• Katherine Wilson
  
• Deepak and Hazel
• Katyee Namgyal
  
• DJ Joseph Enin
• DJ Gataloca
  
• Anup Thomas
• Richard Tholoor and Sneha Kapoor
• Ashwin Mushran
  

It was a fun event and I eagerly wait for it to happen next. Just with the time flies in fast forward.

.

Foot in Mouth Disease.

"Welcome on board Sir"
"Yeah Hi. Thank you"
"What is you seat number Sir"
"Hmmm... (Flipping the boarding pass) It's 13A."
"That would be towards your left Sir."
"Yeah Sure. Thanks"

She is standing there, holding a pillow to her chest. Ear to ear smile, lots of mascara and other stuff. Eyes gleaming with all the hospitality that can ever exist in a pair of eyes.

"Welcome Sir."
Nod in approval.

"Amm! You have a yellow spot on your shirt (points towards his left shoulder). You might have spilled something on it; pickle or something with turmeric maybe." Looking at her expecting probably a thank you.

Change of expression to a bad one.
Change of expression again to a good one.
"Oh this (removing that pillow)! This is our logo (SpiceJet)."

Damn why did I not notice this before? Was it necessary to be my usual self? What a noble git I am!
Sheepish Smile. "I am sorry I didn't notice this before, first time with Spice"
"Well that fine Sir. Which seat Sir."
"Well I guess you will have to move. Mine is 13 A."
All smiles. "Oh Yes, this is 13A. Sure Sir."

Okay this doesn't happen that often.

The deam Interview

No matter how many years one has had been in the industry, no matter how many interviews he/she has braved, no matter how many interviews he/she has had taken; it still is a war of that one last breath of peace when it comes to giving an interview.

One of my acquaintances recently had to attend an interview and he had more than 10 years of experience. So when I was visiting him last week, I had to mock the interview panel as questions for his preparation. And all this time during the mock interview he was with his two year old son, trying make him sleep. Well that the best way to prepare for an interview while being under extreme stress. If you can live this you can survive any!

Now that he is geologist and the only thing I know about geology is the way it is spelled most of my questions were “What are your X strengths and weaknesses? Why do you think we should hire you? What makes you stand out from the other N people who have applied?”

More of the HR kind of questions; the only technical question I could ask was “What were your key learnings from the last job? What was the thing in the last job that you think were big, challenging both technically and resource wise and how did you solve then?”

Now that was something. Having been trained in “Interviewing skills” and “Enhanced interviewing skills” and given that I haven’t selected any of the candidates in so many interviews I have taken, and recommending background check for almost all the panel recommended for the next round of interview, I had my own comments on the answers.

Don’t say or stress on “I and hardworking, sincere. Blah Blah. These are all universal truths from any interview candidate. Try to build on your experience, how this varied experience makes you stand out from the crowd. Whatever your weaknesses, they should be the ones on which can work upon and if not then either you should not tell them or mask them as the ones which also work as your strengths.”

So the organization where he had the interview was the one in which his father had worked from the first day to the last day of his entire career. So invariably everybody, the higher ups, in particular knew the candidate, and knew just no casually but personally.

When the day of interview came, the panel had people, who were known to him since childhood, were a distant relative, or had known his cousins. Now that is what I call as a perfect interview panel. Even before you are bombarded with questions you are already comfortable. One of the many must things taught to me in my trainings “Interviews are tests, and like all tests this too makes the candidate envious. Try to make the candidate comfortable. When the candidate is nervous he/she won’t give his best shot.”

Best shot. I think here the candidate was playing on his home ground in front of his home crowd.

So the interview started. “How is your mom? How is your father?” And then the technical questions started.

Now isn’t that a dream interview?? And a scary one too, all those people who know you so well will get an insight on how deep or shallow your understanding of the subject is?

Between the Dollar and the Rupee Tussle

Okay so the Indian currency the Rupee hit an all time high against the overly popular and transacted US currency The Dollar.

While most of the news channels wreaked havoc on the TV with their 24 hour sympathies with the IT companies as appreciated rupee would mean lesser profits; the nicely suited gurus of stock market, who incidentally were never wise when I decided to take their advice prophesied the loss in share price of these major, minor, and still in incubator listed companies, I was already seeing the road ahead. Not the nicely tarred road ahead but the one with drain and rain water all over it which for some reason of perfection fails to hide some of those numerous potholes.


So I was visiting my friend who works in this big IT Company and was surprised to see that what I foresaw was actually not that far!

As the rupee appreciated:

- There was more water in the coffee decoction in the vending machine;

- There was more water in the milk in the vending machine;

- The all time available juices in the canteen disappeared;

- The floor temperature, which I was informed was usually comfortable 22 degrees, was not well beyond 24 degrees;

- Even the liquid soap in the restrooms had more liquid properties than water itself;

- The paper towels, the newer ones, have so much quality inbuilt into it that you cannot pull out one in one piece from the dispenser. The towel dispenser incidentally has “Eco Friendly” plastered on it. Yeah! Why cut trees, use that square inch of towel.

- The lifts, one overly gregarious person told me, are now mostly out of order.


Of all the things what is more worrisome is the coffee. I mean most of the IT guys when they reach office search for one thing, even before booting or logging into their systems, which is, what else, COFFEE!!!!

I am sure the ILO (International Labour Organization) has the right to perfect coffee as one of the basic rights of the IT employees which if you prioritize comes before equal opportunities.

Civilian and Fighter Aircrafts on Road.

DISCLAIMER: This post is purely a fiction, any resemblance to dead or living is purely incidental. No offence meant to any lady or any man.


I have been living with aircrafts both at home and at my office; and I just so much love them.

The place where I live, my house actually a rented place, is very close to the city airport. Another big thing close by is the wind tunnel operated by National Aerospace Laboratory.

My work involves aircrafts too.

I love watching there giants of steel, these behemoths take to sky so easily and land on the landing strip so effortlessly. It is an amazing synched dance of man, metal and machine.

The brain of all the electronics, the effectiveness of all the machinery and the intelligence of the pilot, all with one motive to take to sky and be back all safe and comfortable.

I many a times find myself standing next to the airport boundary wall, with my mouth wide open amazed at the way an aircraft comes to taxiway, moves on the tarmac, and just like a bullet from a gun, shoots on the tarmac. The flaps are all down, the thunderous roar of the engines and as if the gravity fails for that just one split of seconds “Houston we have a lift off!” well take off actually. Sometimes I am lucky to see a MIG or a Jaguar put on its afterburner so that it can take off in the least distance and climb up fast and furious. The afterburners make their presence very much audible to people in atleast 3 Kms radius circle.

And not mention the wind tunnel which when active makes you feel as if there is a traffic jam on the landing strip and all the aircrafts are standing tail to tail, with their engines running waiting for that green signal, each one fighting for that one-upmanship for how loud one’s engines are. The whole neighborhood bears a look like wind has visited is visiting and will stay for quite some time.

“Kachik. Eagle 1 to base. Kachik”

“Kachik. Base to Eagle 1. Cleared to fly. Over Kachik”

“Kachik. Eagle 1 to base. Ok. Over Kachik”

“Kachik. Base to Eagle 1. Let us kick the tyre and light a fire. Good Hunting. Over. Kachik”

So now where does this lead to?

Well when you are obsessed about things, you kind of see them everywhere. And that is exactly what is happening to me. I see aircrafts or parts of it.

You must have had seen a lot many fair sex on two wheelers, zipping past on their Blaze, Scooty or Pleasure. What you might have also noticed but may not have had related is that whenever they slow down, like the needle on the speedometer touches sub 25 sub 30 Kmph levels, their landing gears come down. The gears are deployed unless the needle pulls up above this 20-30 mark. They will be deployed even if they travel like tens of kilometers at 15 Kmph.

As soon as the brakes are deployed, two legs come out from either side of the two wheeler, much like an aircrafts landing gear and stay on there. So if they stop the landing gears touch the tar, if not then they are still deployed as part of missed approach. Very much like a civilian aircrafts, safety foremost.

Guys on the other hand are like fighter jets. Vrooooom. Vroooooooooom. Honk Honk. Screech. Screech. The landing gears never come down until they are sure that they have to land. Just like fighters aircrafts which can skim the ground, fly as close as say 200-500 feet above the ground, guys will slow down and try to balance as long as they are allowed to and can manage. Their afterburner is their horn. Great maneuverability of zipping in left and right taking sharp turns just so very much like a fighter aircraft.

Glossary
Kachik : The sound made by pressing/releasing the TALK button of the wireless set.

The mosquito that never bites!

It has been a while since this thing is happening to me.


For these last so many ‘whiles’ everybody who has seen me at office, or friends at home or the neighborhood have been saying “Hey what’s up? You look so lost. Is everything Okay?”


And I nod in agreement, trying to say in part that I am still trying to figure out the answer to “What’s up?” as also in agreement that everything is okay and they needn’t be concerned or worried about anything in particular. It is sometimes really strange that something as simple as a nod in agreement is enough to put smiles on just so many faces.


But nevertheless.


So as I was saying, though I nod, for whatever reasons I might do that, I really don’t feel like everything is okay. I am regular at my office, productive with quality, a gregarious friend who calls/meets the friends neighbors all so often, but then something is wrong.


There is this ‘something’ which is going at the back of my mind and the worst part to come is that I don’t what it is. Only if I can figure out what this is I will be able to find a way to solve it and get rid of it. But alas, I am unable to comprehend what is it that’s bothering me? It is there I know. Whenever I am doing something, it runs in the background, just outside the cone of focus and as soon as I realize that there is this something and try to focus on it, it disappears. Like a grain of sand, you don’t know it is in your fist, but the moment you realize it is there and try to contain it in your fist, you just loose it.


It is so annoying and so irritating. Much more irritating than that mosquito, who incidentally never bites you or maybe you really do not care or notice that mosquitoes ever bite you, but hovers around you ear with that “Bhiiiiiinnnnnnnn…….. Bhiiiiiinnnnnnnn……..” sound and the room is dark and you cannot squeeze the pulp out of him by grabbing in your first and tightening the embrace; and worst of you all you are very sleepy after a day’s long work!
Sometime I feel I am better off having this unhandled trace of thought running in background as a zombie than to try to fight that mosquito.

Mutual Screwing... I screw you... You screw me...

It is a vicious circle; more of co-habitation because of lack of options rather than consensual.

And just why is it a circle? Well what goes around comes around. I screw you, you screw me, simple.

The only difference being that the ‘I’ here has the option of screwing this or that, one among the many (well in many cases one amongst atleast two). But the ‘You’ here does not have that choice of whom he/she/it might choose. There is there only instance of ‘I’ available here. So whose is the one who gets the pleasure or say pain of getting screwed every so often? No prizes for guessing the answer. It is the deplorable ‘I’ here.

Now you guys must be wondering who is the ‘I’ here and who is the ‘You’ here. The ‘I’ here is the crowd, the common people, the aam junta ( the mango people), who choose the ‘You’ here which are the politicians, the corporators, the bureaucrats, the local municipality etc. So you see the ‘I’ here has many options to select from and to who takes the seat, gaddi, of power and screw them. The ‘You’ doesn’t have that luxury hence the ‘I’ has dilated muscles and you know where.

By now I am sure you guys won’t leave me alone until I (this is the real me and not the ‘I’ here) tell you where does this whole theory comes from.

Take an example.

The citizens choose the government, let’s be limited to the local government. Then the citizens ask for improvement of basic infrastructure, basic amenities, parks, clean drinking water, decent walk able footpaths, trees on the sides of the road. Essentially screwing the government, making it do thing which are most likely on the lest priority list; they being busy with milching the citizens, the government machinery to get wot not, trying to do as many nonsensical gymnastics with the law, rules so as to make sure that they get an assured chance the next time they get to the polls.

So this in part explains the ‘I’ screw ‘You’.

Of the many ways the ‘I’ screws ‘You’ (leave the Kamsutra aside) let us focus on one "trees on the sides of the roads footpaths". Now it is the time for the ‘You’ come back and screw the ‘I’. So they plant the trees with the rusted tree guards to guard them when God only knows how long the guards themselves can live the beat of the weather. And just what do they plant? Coconut trees! The ‘I’ here is happy, takes comfort in the pleasure. But the pain follows not too late. The trees grow, the coconuts hang from the tree, ripe full with the coconut milk. Then one day an ‘I’ is on the footpath walking his/her way home, or to where he/she is heading to and BANG! There falls a coconut and the nut is split open in the two halves; both the coconut and the head of this ‘I’.

So this in part explains the ‘You’ screw ‘I’.

Many may argue, "statistics prove that the probability of a falling coconut hitting a person is as low as nothingth of nothing*". Well how many times do we really get to hear from a person explaining that the hump on this head is a result of a coconut falling on him; nothingth of nothing* times! Just because no crimes are logged with the police department does that really mean the area is crime free? Not really.

But then who am I (the real I and not the ‘I’ here) to say anything. Both the ‘You’ and ‘I’ are happy and satiated. The max I (the real I and not the ‘I’ here) can do is make sure I (the real I and not the ‘I’ here) choose the ‘You’ who can screw me in less number of ways or not screw to the ‘You’ and expect the same favor in return.

* Inspiration (Anu Malik's style) from Douglas Adams "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

My, Myself, My Poems!!!

woh hume tarka ke chal diye,
bole kaam hai jana hai.
hum intezaar main baithe hain ,
sadiyaan guzar gayin.
unki tasveer bhi dundhli ho gayi;
voh aayenge isi intezaar main hum,
apani baaki zindagi jee lenge.

Two friends, one father of a new born baby girl, one still single

beti ki sewa main raat aur din dono barabar!
woh uska raat main uthna,
madhur hi awaaz main kutch kahan
humara na sun pana
uska rona
beech raat mera main uthna
zombie ki tarah apne hi ghar main anjaan sa ghoomna
kisi tarah kitchen main pahunch kar doodh garam karna
Office se thake hue ghar aana
beti ko bahon me leke jaise sansaar ka sara sukh sara aanand paan

In sab ka mujhe intezaar hai

What wierd poems?

What wierd Poet?

Tera Khoon khoon, mera khoon pani!!!

When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,

When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough

When I don't do it, I am lazy,

When my boss does not do it, he is busy,

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,

When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,

When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.

When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.

When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.

When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview

When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked

When I do good, my boss never remembers,

When I do wrong, he never forgets

I don't know why I feel guilty of spamming my own blog with a forward. :(

Words of Wisdom

Fewer words of wisdom have been in said in lesser words:

Man proposes, God disposes; and either way the woman doesn't agree.

Wrong Maths.

Somebody at Microsoft didn't do his Maths homework at school.

From Friend to Friend

Ok So this is funny. And if it ain't funny to you tickle yourself. All the communication happens over e-mails.

Friend 1:

Spam mail (usually a forward) with plenty of e-mail IDs in the CC List. One of her friend is in the CC list.

Friend 2:

(Reply) Ok so now my turn to ask questions. Who are the following girls? Settled/engaged or available?

Friend 1:

Mote…. Kaam se kaam rakho :)

English Translation (The smiley too) :

Fatso…. Mind your business :)

Friend 2:

Vohi to kiya.
Aur mote kise kaha, you .. you... lady finger! Hugh.

English Translation (Note no smiley thsi time) :

That's what I did.
BTW whom did you call fatso, you .. you... lady finger! Hugh.

Lady finger??? probably out of ideas. Anyways

Friend 1:

Mote mote mote

English Translation (No smiley again)

Fatso fatso fatso

Friend 2:

Yeh tumne accha nahin kiya,
Yeh tumhe nahin karna chahiye tha,
Par ab kar chuki ho to ....
Ab bhug-to

Tumhe yeh nahin karna chahiye tha,
Tumhe panga nahin lena chahiye tha,
Par ab kar chuki ho to....
Ab bhug-to

Tumhe yeh nahin karna chahiye tha,
Tumhe aag main haath nahin dalna chahiye tha,
Par ab kar chuki ho to....
Ab bhug-to

Tumhe yeh nahin karna chahiye tha,
Tumhe bail (bull) se nahin kahna tha aa mujhe maar,
Par ab kar chuki ho to....
Ab bhug-to

Tumhe yeh nahin karna chahiye tha,
Tumhe mujhe phone karne par majboor nahin karna chahiye tha,
Par ab kar chuki ho to....
Ab bhug-to

Tumhe yeh nahin karna chahiye tha,
Tumhe phone par mujhe ladne ke liye majboor nahin karna chahiye tha,
Par ab kar chuki ho to....
Ab bhug-to

English Translation:

You lazy fellas, do something on your own. This is too long for me.

.

Kids... One too many... One too less...

I love kids. There are so many of them in my family and they are all dear to me. And so are the kids of my friends. They are the best beings to have around you. They give so much of a relaxing, rejuvenating feeling to anybody around them. No matter how much tired one is but as soon as there are kids around, you have tones of “Red Bull” in you. Their untiring series of “Whys, Whats, Hows” are one amazing thing.

But given all this, there are some things which are ….. well read on.

What is it? Why is it?

Scene 1, Take 1.

You are watching a very interesting movie, a very captivating documentary on NGC/Discovery. And it is time for their favorite cartoon, which has a stupid looking railway engine talking to other engines in the most unanimated way. Then there is this “Blues Clues” where an over excited grown kid of late 20s teaches what alphabets, shapes, colors are. If you insist on not switching the channel, there is wailing and if the kid is smart like my younger niece you get blackmailed "I’ll complain to grandpa". Since the kid doesn’t know or more likely will not change channel on his/her own, you have kill your curiosity/interest by your own hands and say "Ahhh! Okay."

Disclaimer: It another story that once you start watching these you too get a hang of it and start enjoying it for the sheer simplicity of these cartoons. After all "Tom and Jerry" is never boring.

Scene 1, Take 2.

That tricycle. That one tricycle. Why do they have to make is so small and so low. They could atleast have a bar which rises all way until say 3 feet so that you easily push it.

Kid wailing, kid sits in the tricycle, more of wailing at high pitch, cannot push tricycle, you push it, get a backache.

Scene 1, Take 3.

The kid knows you have a back ache, you are lying down on the bed trying to get some sense into that back. “Does it hurt?” Yes. “Is it bad?” No, don’t worry I’ll be okay. “Shall I give you massage?” That’s not necessary, thank you. “No you need one.”

And then you can feel the whole Roman army, with as many soldiers as there were in the entire lifetime of the civilization, march on you back not to mention the those so many hooves of cattle, horses and maybe sometimes elephants.

Back ache. Make a line shorter by drawing next to it a line linger that it. I am all right, “pink of health!”

Scene 1, Take 4.

“I’ll ask you a question? There was a brown house, next to it is the green house, behind it is the black house, in front of it is the pink house, and above it is the grey house. Tell me where is the white house.”

Hmmm…. Hmmmm. Pretending to think. Hey, there wasn’t a white house anywhere. Oh! Wait. Yeah, it is in Washington DC.

“Geee. You got it, now your turn.”

There were two friends Nobody and Anybody. Anybody had a cousin Somebody. Once Nobody calls Anybody:

Tring…. Tring…. (… yeah the joke goes with the sound
effects…)
“Hello”
“Hi, is Anybody home?”
“No”
“Who’s
this?”
“Somebody. Who’s
calling?”
“Nobody”
“Nobody!”
“Yeah. Well when Anybody comes let him know Somebody had called. Bye”

Haaaa….. Haaaa… Why are you not laughing?
I got all confused. What was the joke?
That was the joke my dear.

And you embrace the kid, hug her/him and both laugh.

Now these are those some things which are indispensable and I just so wish there were many kids around or may be the kids always stay as kids.

Not too much to wish I gues.

Twice in Day.

Scene 1:

Post Lunch Session at office.

At the door of my floor.
Placed the Access Card close to the 'Sniffer', the drug addict.
No Beep, the LED doesn't glow green
Doesn't work. Placed it really close. Beep! LED is green.
Pushed the handle of the door and opened it.
Comes running a colleague, named rather nick-named 'Ram'.
Customary, rather more as routine given I know so many people.
"Hey Ram!"

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Wanted to say it thrice and drop dead.




Scene 2:

10:00 pm Returning back from work.
Standing at an intersection, the traffic signal is red, "Oh! I have buy sugar morning's Horlicks was tasteless."
Parked my bike in front of the depratmental store close to my house.
Short stop, didn't take off the helmet, just lifted the visor.
At the counter, kept the bag of 1Kg sugar and the change.
The attendent gave the receipt, fetched a carry bag.
Stopped.
"Sir, are you on bike or a car?"
Wearing a sheepish look : "Car. As for the helmet I drive my car wearing the helmet. Extra Safety."


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I should have had said it thrice and dropped dead. Too late now.